


Devils Backbone

by stony1998



Series: Song Inspired [2]
Category: Daredevil (Comics), Punisher (Comics)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-11
Updated: 2016-03-11
Packaged: 2018-05-26 00:07:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6215713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stony1998/pseuds/stony1998
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matthew Murdock is a devout Catholic. Frank Castle is anything but. Inspired by the song Devils Backbone by The Civil Wars.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Devils Backbone

He's struggling to breath. The machines beep in a monotone pattern. It sounds like a gunshot to him every time. He hates hospitals. He can hear the cries of a mother who's just lost her son on the floor above them. He can hear another patient screaming in agony below them. He can hear the shouts of a doctor, the quick footsteps of a nurse, the prayers of a husband at his wife's bedside. But worst of all he can hear Frank's struggle. The slow, sluggish best of his heart, the labored breathing, the machines working to keep him alive.

He's standing at Frank's bedside, his face turned toward the door. No one will come to disturb them besides the nurse and Doctor. Foggy doesn't know he's here. Frank didn't have anyone else. 

He's reluctant to leave, but he needs to take this time away. He needs to clear his head. He leans over and kisses Frank's forehead. He straightens and walks out of the room, out of the hospital, his cane tapping in front of him and half of himself left behind.

He makes it to the church as quickly as he can. There's no service tonight. He hears the priest inside and so enters. 

"Matthew. I hope you are well?" Father Lantom asks as Matthew walks towards the pew in which he sits. Matthew stops a row away. "Matthew?" 

"Father, I'd like to make a confession."

Lantom remains seated for a few moments and then stands. "Alright Matthew. Is... Are you well?"

Matthew looks away, even though his eyes are covered. He burns under the gaze of the priest. He does not answer.

Lantom does not demand an answer. He moves to the confessions booth and enters on his side, and waits. Matthew's heart is pounding. It sounds in his ears like great cannons going off. He's trying to calm himself. He thinks of Frank, bleeding out at the door of his apartment. He walks towards the confessions booth and sits in front of the screen, facing Lantom. 

Matthew makes the sign of the cross. It's a motion like breathing air to him. "In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. My last confession was three days ago."

"The Father says, 'If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.' Confess Matthew."

Matthew closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.  
\-------------------------------  
Frank grunts lowly, thrusting into Matthew and making the man arch and gasp. He leans down, over Matt and kisses his neck as he continues to undulate his hips in a fashion that has Matt gasping for air. 

"Come on Matt, I know you can do it. I know you want to."

Matt's heart is hammering in his chest. Or it might be Frank's. He isn't sure. They're both so close. He's hyper sensitive, hyper aware to every shift, every tiny sound coming from Frank. It has him shaking in arousal, and his arms wrap around Frank. He digs his nails into Frank's back with one hand, the other goes to wrap loosely around Frank's hair and keep his wicked mouth on his neck. 

This is what sin feels like. He moans softly, almost tipping over the edge, one moment away from falling into an abyss. 

"Let go Matt."

His mouth opens but he doesn't scream. He lets out a sigh as finally, blissfully he comes all over his own stomach. Frank keeps with those smooth, gentle thrusts until he comes himself with a soft groan. Matt lets his arms fall. 

"I love you." Matt whispers softly. He isn't sure if he actually wants Frank to hear it. 

He feels Frank tense, hears his heart rate increase drastically and he believes he's made a terrible mistake. But then the tension flows out of Frank and he settles more onto Matt despite the mess between them. 

"I love you too Matt."  
\--------------------------  
"I... Father what am I doing? What have I done?" Matt says softly. He grips his cane tightly. 

"Matthew, confess and be forgiven." Lantom urges softly. "The Father knows your heart."

Matt swallows down the fear that grips him, disregards his shaking hands and his heart banging at his rib cage. "I've fallen in love..." 

Lantom is quiet, waiting for more. Matt is quiet. "Matthew... Is that what troubles you? Love is-"

"It's a man." Matt interrupts. 

Father Lantom is quiet. "I see."

Matt takes a deep breath. "He... Is nothing like he should be. He doesn't pray. He doesn't care to come to church, to seek retribution for his sins. He's constantly on the run from his past, from his actions."

"Matthew you know what the word says concerning this. You must-"

"I won't leave him Father. I love him. I don't see that as a sin."

"What are you confessing Matthew?"

"I am confessing for him. And I ask that he is not taken today."  
\----------------------------  
"Please Frank, just this once?"

Frank crosses his arms. "No. I won't." 

Matt sighs. He knows Frank is determined. If he doesn't want to go, Matt can't make him. 

"It would mean a lot to-"

"Matthew don't ask again. I'm not going to confession with you."

"I don't understand why! I want you to see what I see! If you would just-"

"The last time I prayed to whatever's up there was a long time ago Matthew. He destroyed my life. He ruined everything I had, everything I hoped to have. He never helped me. I won't give him the satisfaction when I know he doesn't give a shit about me."

Matt is quiet. Frank had tried to play it off in a calm fashion. But Matt can hear that Frank is hiding. The man is angry, upset. His heart is beating faster. His fists are clenched tight. He's grinding his teeth. 

"Alright." Matt says softly. "I'm sorry for pushing it." He moves past Frank toward the door. "I'll be back to change for parole soon."

"Matt I'm sorry. It's... My past isn't something I speak about a lot. You don't know..."

"I don't have to know. I understand Frank." Matt says. He looks over his shoulder and gives a small smile. "Don't worry about it."  
\---------------------------  
"Matthew you know that isn't how this works." Lantom says softly, shaking his head. "He must confess for himself."

"Father you don't understand. He means no harm. He sees no other way to avenge... He does all he does in memory of his family. He does what he has to."

"What he has to Matthew? And what does that entail?"  
\--------------------------  
"Frank don't-!"

It's too late. Frank shoots a bullet straight through the mans forehead and drops him without a second thought. Matt stands in shock and slight anger. 

"I told you not to-"

"I don't take orders from you Matt." Frank cuts him off as he moves toward the edge of the roof. "He was garbage. There was no reason to let him live."

"Killing him was wrong, even if he was a bad man Frank!" Matt says, his voice raising. He's finding it hard to concentrate. There's too much going on below him, around them. There are police sirens coming this way. "You can't keep killing men like this, they have to face a judge!"

"Why? So they can get the minimum and be back on the streets selling drugs to kids? Or better yet, get off with nothing but a light slap on the wrist? I'm taking care of the problem here Matt. You think you are but you're doing nothing to really help anyone. In the end all of those men you nab for the good of the law, or whatever shit you preach, are just going to end up back on the streets with a smarter way of doing things. Grow up and make the hard decisions before they're made for you."

It stung. The words hit Matt like a ton of bricks. "I won't kill someone Frank. They deserve the right to a trial."

"Keep thinking like that and you'll end up dead Matt." Frank said. There was no malice in his voice. He said it as if it was just plain fact. It was at that moment Matthew realized that is what Frank truly believed. It was either kill or be killed. And Frank wasn't ready to die.  
\--------------------------  
"He's killed men. Hundreds. Men that should have faced a judge." Matt says with a tremor in his voice. "He had to. They would have killed him. Or... They would have harmed others."

"This man walks a dangerous line Matthew. And he will tempt you."  
\-------------------------  
He can't help the loud moan that escapes him when Frank thrusts into him. Frank has him up against the wall, his arm hooked around Matt's leg to hold it up and open. 

Frank pushed his face into the crook of Matt's neck and the man moans again. Frank smells of blood, leather, and gun powder. It's intoxicating. Matt leans his head back against the wall and takes in the scent. Takes in the overwhelming sensation of Frank's stubble against his neck and cheek, his hand gripping Matt's leg so hard it might bruise, the other hand around his waist, pulling them so close together that Matt isn't sure who is making the sounds that ring in his ears. 

"Frank, Frank please." Matt whispers. He's so close. He wants Frank to kiss him, to link them together in all ways. He wants to never let go. 

Frank moves from Matt's neck and captures his lips in a bruising kiss. Matt imagines it's what temptation must feel like. He understands why Adam failed.  
\----------------------------  
"I ask forgiveness for his inflictions. I ask that he be forgiven for the deaths he has caused. I ask that he be forgiven for his reluctance to repent himself." Matthew continues in desperation.

"Matthew-"

"Father please. Give me the burden to carry. Give me the blame. It is mine because I have not shown him the way. Let me take his sins upon my shoulders, I don't care about the shame! What do I have to do? Allow me to do this for him, to take his sins upon my back. I will do what I must. Just... Let me do this for him. Don't let him be taken from me today. That is all I ask."

"Matthew he must confess his own sons to be forgiven. He is guilty of them. It is not your place to take."

"I don't care if he's guilty or not. He is good at heart although his actions say differently. Father... I'm all he has. If I can't do this for him he will die with the sins on his soul. I can't allow that. Please."

Lantom is quiet. Matthew can hear his heart beat. It's slightly elevated. He's unsure. 

"Please Father. I'm begging you."

With that Lantom sighs. "Alright Matthew."

Matt can't help the small smile that plays on his lips. He is relieved. He is saddened but joyful. He only hopes that Frank will be forgiven. "I am sorry for these and all the sins of my- his past life." He concludes his confession.

"The word says, 'Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.' You have forsaken the actions of this man and through you he shall obtain forgiveness."

"Thank you Father. What must I do to receive forgiveness?"

"Fast for three days, perform three Hail Mary's and Our Fathers. Pray daily for his soul Matthew. And continue to urge him toward the faith so that he might be saved."

"I will Father. I thank you for the way to forgiveness."

"You are welcome Matthew. If you might recite an act of contrition?"

"O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended you and I detest all my sins, because I dread the loss of heaven and the pains of hell. But most of all because I have offended you, my God, who are all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve with the help of your grace, to confess my sins, to do penance and to amend my life. Amen." Matthew recites quietly. 

"God the Father of mercies, through the death and resurrection of your son, you have reconciled the world to yourself and sent the Holy Spirit among us for the forgiveness of sins. Through the ministry of the church, may God grant you pardon and peace. And I absolve you of your sins, in the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen."

Matthew makes the sign of the cross while the Father prays. He whispers amen at the conclusion. 

"Give thanks to the Lord for He is good." Lantom says as he stands. 

Matthew stands. "For His mercy endures forever."

At that the confession is concluded. Both Lantom and Matt exit the confessions booth. Matt goes toward the alter to kneel before the cross.

"Being surrounded by temptation vexes the soul Matthew. Be wary." He warns in solemn tones.

"I will Father. Thank you for your guidance."

Lantom nods and leaves Matthew to his penance. Matthew bows his head and begins to recite.  
\----------------------------  
He returns to the hospital with a lighter soul. He's done his penance. He just has to make it through the three days of fasting. For Frank he'd do three years. 

He heard Frank's breathing from down the hall. It's still labored. The machine is still assisting him. His heart beat is still abnormally sluggish. He enters the room just in time to hear a shift on the bed. 

"Frank? Are you up?" Matt asks softly, moving closer to the bed in order to try to distinguish the truth for himself. He places a rough hand on Frank's shoulder. "Say something."

It's quiet for a few moments and Matt forces himself to focus on the patterned beep of the heart monitor that tells him Frank's still alive. 

"Where...the fuck are we?"

Frank's voice is raspy. He tries to sit up but Matt pushes him down hastily. "We're at the hospital." He says. He knows Frank will try to argue about it and leave at that exact moment so he pushes forward. "Claire couldn't treat you. Neither could I. You almost died. I wasn't going to let that happen."

"Matt I can't be here. I need to-"

"You need to stay down." Matt says, pushing more weight on Frank's shoulder. "I swear I'll let you leave once I know you're strong enough. Right now you need to heal."

"I'm a sitting duck here Matt. People want me dead."

"You've got me. No ones doing anything to you while I'm here."

"You weren't here." 

Matt goes quiet. Frank sounds... disappointed. Perhaps slightly angered. "I had to step out for a minute."

"Don't lie to me. You know I can read it off your face. Where the fuck were you?" Frank asks sharply. 

"I... Went to confession."

"Glad to know that matters more Matt." Frank says. His chest hurts. His entire body aches. Despite that he tries to sit up.

"I went to confession for you." Matt says calmly. He isn't sure how Frank would take such a thing. "I asked for your forgiveness."

"I don't need any goddamn forgiveness." Frank says angrily. "I haven't done anything wrong. I'm doing what needs to be done Matt. You're a fool for failing to see it."

"Frank I worry about you, alright? You... The way you came to the door this time. It was really bad. I... Didn't know if you'd make it. I couldn't let you die without doing everything in my power to save you."

"Death isn't something you can control Matt. It's inevitable. If I was going to die your god wouldn't have saved me because you asked him to." Frank shakes his head. "I don't want anything to do with the church. Ever. Don't try to make it a part of my life."

"It's a part of my life! I'm a part of your life! Don't you think this should be spoken about? Don't you think we should compromise?"

"No! I'm not going to compromise about something I don't believe in!" 

Matt is quiet. The beeping has gone to a quicker pace. Matt doesn't need it to know Frank's heart rate has accelerated substantially. 

"This is a part of who I am. I need you to accept that."

"And I need you to accept that I don't give a fuck about your god or your goddamn church. Don't pray for me. Don't ask for my forgiveness. I don't want it."

"Frank-"

"No Matt. No ifs or buts. Don't ever do this again. I don't care."

Matt turns towards the window. "I can't promise that."

"Then I can't have you in my life."

Matt turns so quickly his head spins. "What?"

"You might be blind but I know you have the best hearing around. You heard me."

"You can't be serious Frank."

"I am."

"But... We... I thought you loved me." He says softly. He's trying hard to control his emotions. "I didn't mean to make you angry. I just needed to know I helped all I could."

"By doing what? Praying to a god for me when I don't even believe in him? Don't you think that's wrong?"

"But-"

"No Matt." Frank is setting up, ripping tubes and life support off of his body. Matt can hear how sluggish his heart is. "You shouldn't have."

"Okay Frank, fine, you're right. Right now you need to-"

"Right now you need to get away from me." Frank snapped as Matt tried to step closer to him. He took off the heart monitor. Matt heard the last, fading beep. It hurt, he wasn't sure why.

"Frank-"

"Fuck you Matt. I'm leaving."

"Okay. Fine. We'll go back to my apartment. You can rest there. No more-"

"No more us." Frank says. He's standing, out of bed now. Matt can hear nurses and doctors running this way. They must think Frank is dying. Matt feels like they should be coming for him instead. 

"Please Frank. You can't do this. We can talk about this."

"There's nothing to talk about. There's no us to talk about."

"I just wanted to help you." Matt says softly. "Please, understand that."

A doctor and several nurses barge in. They stop short and stare at Frank. "Sir! You shouldn't be out of bed, you need to-"

"I don't have to do shit. It wasn't my choice to come here. Now get the fuck out of my way." He's walking. Matt knows he's in pain. He can hear it. He doesn't say anything. 

"Sir, please, we must insist that you-"

"I said get the fuck out of my way. Now."

The doctor and nurses part. Frank walks through. Matt doesn't follow. 

"Sir... Are you alright?" One of the nurses reaches out and touches Matt's arm gently. "You're looking a bit flushed."

"I'm fine." He mumbles. He's listening. He hears the cries of a son who's mother has died. He hears the last breath of a patient who's suffering. He hears the slow footsteps of a doctor who's just given news to a couple that their baby is gone. He hears the shouts of a man who's wife's heart is no longer beating. He hears elevator doors close. He hears Frank's sluggish heart leaving him behind. He imagines this is what death feels like.

**Author's Note:**

> I promise not all of these will be sad... I swear.


End file.
